Strength and courage

"Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength;
loving someone deeply gives you courage."
- Lao Tzu

SoonBeng, being loved by you & loving you
gave me strengh and courage.
Where do i get my strength and courage now?

The pain just wont go away.
How do I go on?

A Lifetime Shared

Came across this song. The words say what i feel...

A Lifetime Shared - by Middle Spunk Creek Boys

It wasn't supposed to end this way
He was always the strong one.
She never wanted to carry on,
or live out life without him.
He never got to say goodbye,
Though he could feel her tears.
His hand wouldn't move to touch her cheek
and he couldn't calm her fears.

We won't be parted very long,
You'll keep me in your heart.
And I'll be the first one waiting there,
To take you in my arms
And I'll leave you never more.

She knew that the end was drawing near,
It was only a matter of time.
A lifetime shared slowly slipped apart as he left her here behind.
At night she can feel him lying there,
He seems to call her name,
And each new dawn brings a lonely day,
and it's hard to stop the pain.

We won't be parted very long,
I'll keep you in my heart,
And you'll be the first one waiting there,
And you'll take me in your arms,
And I'll leave you never more.

It wasn't supposed to end this way,
Why couldn't she have gone too?
Who would be there now to touch her face,
or to whisper, "I love you?"
She's finally stopped listening for the door,
She sets the table for one,
And prays each night as she goes to bed she won't see the morning sun.

We won't be parted very long,
You'll keep me in your heart.
And I'll be the first one waiting there,
To take you in my arms
And I'll leave you never more.

Life is like a Book

Life is like a book, we are walking through the pages. - Soon Beng

And I asked you at the hospital and at your wake, why did yours end at Pg 32?

Whenever I was lost, stressed, heartbroken or upset, you told me it's all pre-planned. Life is like a book, destiny, fate and do we have a choice in life?

I am going through your pages now... keeping records of all 32 pages from whatever I remember and through people that you have touched and hoping to keep it alive again!

I opened my eyes with fear day after you left! I realised and understand the weight on your shoulders all these years! It's never been easy to be our Brother, our FATHER and a SON to our mother. You have done your part and you did it well. It's time for you to take a break and rest in peace.

I will pen down every word you've said and those I've learned.
(With your selective listening, what can you learn? - Soon Beng)
At least I remember this for life!
(If you ever smoke, make sure you don't come home or I will break your legs! - Soon Beng)

It Hurts...

"It is meant to hurt.
What don't hurt is not worth remembering.
What's meant to be remembered, Hurts." - Soon Beng

Its HURTS, my dear...

The After Loss Credo

I need to talk about my loss.
I may often need to tell you what happened-
or to ask you WHY it happened.
Each time I discuss my loss,
I am helpingmyself face the reality
of the death of my loved one.

I need to know that you care about me.
I need to feel your touch, your hugs.
I need you just to be WITH me.
(And I need to be with you.)
I need to know you believe in me and
in myability to get through my grief in my own way.
(And in my own time.)

Please don't judge me now-
or think that I'm behaving strangely.
Remember I'm grieving.
I may even be in shock.
I may feel afraid.
I may feel deep rage.
I may even feel guilty.
But above all, I hurt.
I'm experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before.

Don't worry if you think I'm getting better
and then suddenly I seem to slip backward.
Grief makes me behave this way at times.
And please don't tell me you 'know how I feel',
or that it's 'time for me to get on with my life'.
(I am probably already saying this to myself.)
What I need now is time to grieve and to recover.

Most of all, thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for your patience.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for helping, for understanding.
Thank you for praying for me.

And remember, in the days or years ahead,
after your loss - when you need me as I have needed you-
I will understand.
And then I will come and be with you.

- By Barbara Hills LesStrang

A part of me...

A part of me
will ALWAYS be with you; and
a part of you
will ALWAYS be with me.

Till we meet again, my dear...

You And I

This is the one and only song which SoonBeng sang to me.

Not a day goes by when i don't think of you, my dear...
~michelle~

You And I - Scorpions

I lose control because of you babe
I lose control when you look at me like this
There's something in your eyes that is saying tonight
I'm not a child anymore, life has opened the door
To a new exciting life

It's all written down in your lifelines
It's written down inside your heart

You and I just have a dream
To find our love a place, where we can hide away
You and I were just made
To love each other now, forever and a day

I lose control because of you babe
I lose control don't look at me like this
There's something in your eyes that is saying tonight
I'm so curious for more just like never before
In my innocent life

It's all written down in your lifelines
It's written down inside your heart

You and I just have a dream
To find our love a place, where we can hide away
You and I were just made
To love each other now, forever and a day

Time stands still when the days of innocence
Are falling for the night
I love you girl I always will
I swear I'm there for you
Till the day I die

You and I just have a dream
To find our love a place, where we can hide away
You and I were just made
To love each other now, forever and a day…

Eulogy for Soon Beng

To my dear friend Soon Beng,

These are some heart felt words that everyone present today would agree with me.

Throughout the years I’ve known him, he has always been my mentor, my advisor, a brother, a listening ear and someone close to all our hearts, just like the rojak he likes to eat.

I’m sure he would not approve of this little speech I’m giving as it might be too long-winded for his liking, but I must do this great and upright man justice and solaces, so I’ll go on.

He is a man with very strong principles, full of integrity. I still remember one incident where the two of us were suppose to meet for tea and I was late. He went home and avoided me for three weeks, after which he finally decided to lecture this young man, on punctuality and its importance. It wasn’t so much of wanting to be on time in the future, it was rather the friendship between us that I treasured so much that led me to change, and if not for him, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

Cleanliness and hygiene was also on top of his list and he used to have this little quote, “My bike is like my underwear, and I like my underwear clean!” Such are the jokes and times we shared with everyone at the coffee shop we affectionally named café ‘851’.

He was also someone who never compromises his friend’s happiness; always striving for a win-win result in all kinds of situation, whether it was his own or his friend's.

One could easily say he has his flaws, but he was a unique individual who is aware of it, neither shying from the fact and always seeking ways to improve himself and people around him, to us near to perfection as humanly possible.

This speech wouldn’t be very complete without the praise of his safety and skill in taming anything on two wheels. Not only was he adept in imitating moves we watch in motorbike video tapes, he was always willing to guide greenhorns like me, in motor biking at the time I knew him and prove to everyone what he says could be done.

No doubt all of us are saddened by the loss of this special person called Lim Soon Beng or otherwise known as Pui Boy to his “team-mates” at ‘851’, we should be glad we managed to cross paths with him and he would forever remain in our hearts, lighting up our mood whenever we’re down. That would have been the way he wanted it to be.

May riding gods be with you Beng.

~ Friend Eric ~

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me...

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could re-live yesterday
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.

"Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

- By David Romano

Forever in my heart....
~michelle~

Death is not a parting.....

"Death is not a parting,
It is just saying goodbye for awhile."

Till we meet again...

Does time really heal?

Will time really heal the pain?

Its been FOURTEEN days since my dearest soonbeng was suddenly taken away from all of us...

At Soonbeng’s funeral, I shared with all those present the last sentence of the note that Soonbeng left for me. He said,

“a page in your life juz closed, but a new chapter has begun…tOmm when U wake up, do not mourn for me, smile for me ya’…U know that’s what I want to see…a smiling Michelle…”

I can’t smile for u yet, Soonbeng. But, I will try...

Forever in my heart,

~michelle~

Eulogy for Soon Beng

I want to extend my condolences to Soon Beng's family...

As you all know, Soon Beng has 2 main groups of friends, his former schoolmates and the coffeshop buddies (also his motor cycle buddies). I amone of his motor cycle friends and have known Soon Beng for over 10 years.

Soon Beng enjoyed riding motor cycles and it is our love for motor cycles that enabled us to be good friends. Soon Beng was a very friendly personand he always took the initiative to make new friends, to say the first"Hi". Over the years we have become good friends and see each other almosteveryday, since we often start our motorbikes together.

We have gone for many motor cycling trips and had a lot of fun and memories. Soon Beng was in the process of organising another trip to Cameron Highlands and Port Dickson this coming April. We have decided that the trip shall still proceed and know that he will be with us in spirit.

Soon Beng valued his friends very much and he would be very glad that all of you turned up to pay your respects. All his friends and colleagues, SoonBeng must have made a lasting impression for you all to be here today. Letsus all not forget the bubbling, friendly and witty character that he is.

Lastly, it is unfortunate that Soon Beng Did not do better in his lovelife. Maybe its because he spends to much time with us. We used to encourage him to go find a girlfriend. Michelle, I think you meant a lot to him and we knew that he was happy.May Soon Beng occupy a special place in all our hearts.

~friend marcel~

Till we meet again....

"It is better to have loved and lost,
then not to have loved at all."

I loved and was loved.

Till we meet again, my dearest

~michelle~

Eulogy for Soon Beng

Soon Beng as we all know was someone we'll treasure for a long long time. He is someone anyone would call a friend - this is very apparent by the number of people who were at the hospital when he met with the accident on Friday and who have come to pay their respects till today. I am very very sure that he will be smiling down at us now and very happy to know that what he did in his lifetime was all not in vain. He touched many of us here in one way or the other. His big heart, gentle ways and simplicity in life are typical of Soon Beng. Anyone who knew him well can attest to all these. Even in death, he did not want anything grand and pompous but just a simple funeral with friends around; guess he did not know that even with this "simplicity", the turnout is even grander than he would have dreamed of.

Soon Beng will be remembered for someone who loves to eat, will go out of his way to help anyone he meets, has respect for his elders and is someone whose company anyone will enjoy at all times. The comical side of him were seen in his funny antics - the funny faces he made, the witty replies he gave and the many other things he did.

I'm sure that he will not enjoy seeing us here being sad but instead would like us to think of him enjoying himself up there, being free and easy. It's hard not to be sad at this time, knowing that it's going to be a long time till we meet again .......... it's only human to cry but Soon Beng would advise us to let it all out and then move on and enjoy life like he did. He was not someone who lived in the past but lived for the future and enjoyed every living moment. So i guess, we should all try and follow suit.

The following poem would best describe Soon Beng's short, sharp and straight to the point speech to us today:
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning hush,
I am the swift upflinging rush Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

Soon Beng is now not lying still doing nothing; his presence is all around us,
in everything that moves and in everything wonderful,
we should therefore be aware that though he is physically gone from us, his presence is still very much alive in many aspects and moments of our lives.
So, Soon Beng, thanks for all you've given us and the time you invested in us - we will not forget. So my friend, till we meet again, know that we love you .............. take care and enjoy, not goodbye but see u ..........


the above eulogy was written by Alison and delivered by Michael

In Memory of My bro Soon Beng

Created this blog for my late brother Soon Beng

What exactly happened?I do not know the exact details of the accident as it is still pending investigation by the traffic police. I do not wish for this blog or any other forms of non-factual circulation to affect or delay the traffic police investigation. I would just like to keep our relatives, brother's friends, colleagues and those who care about what happen in the loop. Most importantly, we hope for more witnesses to step out and provide information to the traffic police.

Those who are close to my brother may want to send me a mail or anything which they want to say to my or about brother and post on this blog.

On 24th February 2006, a Friday afternoon around 1630hours, my bro just finished his work at CSIT (Center For Strategic Infocomm Technologies) at Science Park 2 and was traveling on his bike on Science Park Road towards Pasir Panjang Road. As he was approaching the uncontrolled cross junction in front of Teletech Park, a lorry traveling at the opposite direction made a right turn and my brother’s bike collided into the front passenger side of the lorry.

He sustained multiple injuries, and was gasping for breath while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. He stopped breathing in the ambulance, and was pronounced dead in the hospital at 1800 hours. The passenger in the lorry also sustained injuries but I do not know the details. The lorry driver escaped unhurt.

I am appealing for more witnesses of the accident and pray more people will come out to tell what they say… it doesn’t matter who is rite or who is wrong, most important is what actually happened! From what I know and believe, with my brother’s riding skills of more than 10yrs, he is a very safe rider and would not endanger the life of others or his own life!

This is what he use to say to me: “I’ll rather wear my riding gear, jackets, boots, helmets, etc… and go for it on the race track at least I know it’s safer to fall there, because there isn’t any kurb or trees on the race track. To do something foolish on the road not only have a higher risk of injury but also risk OTHER ROAD USERS ”.

With all that said and done, I’ll like to just appeal for more witnesses and hope everyone who reads this will pass the blog or message around to whoever might be working around Science Park 2 who may have seen what happened.“Appealing for more Witness for accident at Science Park Road at the entrance to unit 20 on 24/02/06 Friday 1642hour contact traffic police”

I like to take this oppotunity to thank everyone who turn up for my brother’s wake and funeral and for their help and assistance.